ok. i got a little burned out on my entries, so i needed a little time off. just kidding. well, here i am again. it is a new year now. can you hear the excitement in my text? i did enjoy the holidays. when i was visiting my family, i had some surreal experiences where i was taken back to times when i was a little kid. it's interesting, the irony of being a little kid, carefree, innocent(some more than others), and wanting to grow up as fast as you can. you finally get your wish! then, you're an adult, poisoned by the world, faced with difficult decisions and responsibilities, and you wish you could reverse time and retreat to your youth(or at least slow time down!).
ok. this is the part where i'm going to whine a little. do you ever have one of those days where you really don't have anything you have to do, but the whole time, you feel like there is something you should be doing? then, in the midst of your boredom, you start analyzing your current circumstances, then reflecting on the past. next thing you know, you are measuring up your existence thus far, and it's not exactly what you had hoped for. all these thoughts clog your mind, and you feel down. slightly depressed(cue the violins, yeah i know). so then you say hey wait a minute. what the hell are you thinking? stop feeling sorry for yourself! do you know how lucky you are? do you know how well you have it? do you realize there are people on the other side of the earth who just got hit by a tsunami, or who are fighting in a war. . .and you're moping about what? yeah shut up. but even acknowledging these things, you can't seem to shake these feelings. well, i had a day like that today. it sucked, and i am embarassed and ashamed to be revealing all this, but i thought perhaps getting it all out might help. "they" say holding everything in isn't good. i generally hold things in. what do "they" know anyway?
i feel a little better though. i think i'm going to climb in bed and dream for a while. good night.
